i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
