So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
