fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
