I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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