Hey man sorry I got all grabby
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
