I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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