They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Someone shattered a urinal.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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