Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
