As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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