I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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