Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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