and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
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Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
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Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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