my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
