quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
