I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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