I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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