im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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