I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
