Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
