Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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