Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
