ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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