I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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