so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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