During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
