My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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