Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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I would not recommend douching while drunk.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My bed smells like the plague
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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