too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
