I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
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Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I deserve this hangover.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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