my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I want a musical about memes.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
