If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
