Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
