Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
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I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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