So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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