i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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