I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
