I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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