Your face is a jimmy john
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
