Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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