it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
