I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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