My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
