Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
