There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
