If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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