Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
