Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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