I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
