So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
