just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
