my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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