you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
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