I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
