oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
