you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize