She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
