But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish you could order shots online.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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