So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
