it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
