he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
