u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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