he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
