Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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