just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
