After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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