is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
