before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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