please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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