He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
