I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
