turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
