thus making me awesome and them whores
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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