I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We don't watch enough power rangers
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
