I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
