Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
