There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
