Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
