Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
