**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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