This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
