took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
