please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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