VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
