i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
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We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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