You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
