I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
