woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
