eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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