Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
